Something to be shared :)

The Inside Scoop on Guys
by Richard A. Bergland

What can you say about guys? Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. And you sure can’t avoid them. They’re all over the place. You go to school with them, work with them and live near them. Some of you even choose to date them. And if you find yourself in that last category (dating them), now or in the future, it couldn’t hurt to take a look at dating from a guy’s perspective.
I participated in Brio’s missions trip to Venezuela and got to hang out with some of the coolest teen girls on the planet. I had the time of my life! I also sneaked into the “Girls Only” night — don’t tell Susie — and eavesdropped on the discussion and questions that were raised about guys. Yeah, it’s true. We’re a tough breed to understand.

Sometimes we’re exactly who and what you need us to be. And other times we can be real jerks. I know we frustrate you, but when you’re tempted to give up on guys . . . please know we’re trying. It’s just that we’re . . . well . . . so different.

Okay, since I am a guy, a coach and a P.E. teacher, and since I’m around guys all the time . . . maybe I can help you understand us from the inside out.

We’ve already acknowledged the fact that guys are waaay different from girls. But I don’t mean they’re simply different on the outside; they’re also very different on the inside. Guys think and react to things in ways that girls don’t.

Let’s just get really basic, okay? There are three things that are very typical about guys. Remember these things and you’re on your way toward understanding the male species. Ignore these three things, and you’ll forever question God’s motivation in making man at all.

Major Diffs
No. 1: Guys are visual. That should come as no surprise to anyone. When guys see something that’s pleasing to their eye, they’re drawn to it, attracted by it. It could be you, a motorcycle, a big, juicy steak or a sports jersey. If it looks good, he wants it. A guy will look at a new Corvette convertible and think, That’s a great-looking car! A girl may wonder if the seats are comfy, how many CDs the player will hold, if the fold-down visor mirror has lights or how she can personalize the interior. The guy just knows it looks good, and he’d look good in it!

The first thing a guy looks at when he’s interested in a girl is her physical appearance. Now don’t be offended. I know some of you are thinking, Not my guy! He’s a Christian. He cares more about who a girl is on the inside than what she looks like on the outside. That may be true. You’ve gotta remember that I’m speaking in general terms, okay? But even in general terms, most guys — Christian or not — are initially attracted to a female’s looks. Hey, I’m just being honest here. I was a Christian guy in high school, and I’m telling you this is where I was coming from. Just let me be honest, okay? You can disagree later.

It’s natural for a guy to think about physical appearance, because God created males to be visually stimulated. Is she cute? Pretty? Does she have a good figure? Are her clothes stylish? Does she carry herself well? These questions are all “eye-related.”

A guy’s not immediately turned on by the fact that you make good grades, are organized, can bake a mean casserole and know that Ephesians is in the New Testament. Sure, these things are important, but a guy doesn’t always notice right away.

Now girls, on the other hand, tend to be stimulated by mental or emotional things. You’re not simply interested in a guy’s physical abilities; you care about his intellectual side, too. (That’s because you’re a female, and you’re more well-rounded emotionally than we guys are at this age.)

You want to know if a guy feels toward you the same way you feel toward him, don’t you? You also want to be able to have a fairly intelligent conversation about important issues and feel like he’s genuinely concerned about you.

Me . . . Man!
No. 2: Guys are physical. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. One quick trip down memory lane to your fifth- grade P.E. class should convince you. In the ever-popular kickball game, did boys politely tag you on the left shoulder with the ball, or did they throw it at you with enough force to separate your head from the rest of your body? I thought so. Don’t get me wrong. That doesn’t mean guys still want to do that today. But, they’re still physical beings, and they enjoy physical contact. That’s why sports are usually important to guys. And that’s also why, when it comes to dating, touching is important to them.

I hope I can just be really blunt here, because it’s totally important that you know how a guy thinks in a dating relationship. He may be the nicest, most respectable and decent male person you’ve ever met. But, he still enjoys holding your hand, kissing you and holding you in his arms as closely to himself as possible, because he enjoys the physical contact.

When a guy kisses a girl, it feels good and it invokes in him all kinds of physical senses and pleasurable thoughts. A girl views a kiss as a spiritual connection — a sign of commitment from the guy and a belief that the guy wishes to know her better personally.

This isn’t always true for the guy. Although he may kiss you and hold you, he does so because of the physical attraction and the way it makes him feel physically, not emotionally or spiritually.

Hubba Hubba
No. 3: Guys are the sexual aggressor in the male/female relationship. That’s not really a news flash for you, is it? The fact is, guys are not only visually stimulated and physical, but they really are the sexual aggressor in any relationship. And you know why? God made them that way. That’s right. God wired guys to be sexually aggressive, just as He made you to be the caring, nurturing one in the relationship.

This doesn’t mean either of you needs to act on your “wiring” right now, though! Let’s backtrack for a sec. Remember a minute ago I said guys like to kiss and hug and hug and kiss some more because it feels good? They like the physical rush . . . but the emotional part often isn’t as important to them. Know why? One basic infallible reason: Most guys in their teen years are incapable of handling the emotional and spiritual complexities of a relationship with a girl.

May I be blunt again? If a guy ever says, “I love you, and having sex with you is one way I can show you how much I love you,” cross him off your list immediately! Not only is he self-serving, but he doesn’t have your best interests at heart. He can’t! He doesn’t have the mental capacity or sense of responsibility to care and provide for you — much less love you.

Does it sound like I’m bashing guys? Does it sound like I’m telling you not to date until you’re 30? Well, that’s not what I’m saying. Twenty-five, maybe. Okay, 24 if you’re mature for your age.

Hey, seriously, let me toss out a few things to think about while you make up your mind about the whole guy-girl thing.

What’s the Answer?
Group dating is the safest way to go. It has so many positives because it takes all the pressure off! You don’t feel as though you’re on display or being taken for a test drive all the time. It allows you to see your date interact with others and learn about his character. And if the conversation with him starts to lag . . . hey, you’ve got your girlfriends there! But the best thing is, you’re not alone with a guy in a car or somewhere you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

If you allow yourself to be alone with a guy, he tends to interpret that as a message or a signal from you. That signal is “go,” and it can be difficult to stop. Make the message clear from the beginning, so there won’t be any confusion.

A wise person once gave me advice about using e-mail: Never type anything you wouldn’t want everybody to see. The same can be said for dating. Don’t say or do anything with a guy that you wouldn’t want everybody to see. God is going to see it anyway, and that should be enough.

And speaking of God, what does He have to do with this subject? Well, He created you and He loves you more than you can imagine! And since He has your best interests at heart, can you simply trust Him with your dating life? Can you believe that He really is big enough to bring the right man into your life at the right time?

The thing to remember is that His timing can be different than ours. Try memorizing this verse: “But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! He will not be overdue a single day!” (Habakkuk 2:3, The Living Bible).

Consider this: Your whole life is a journey, mapped out by your heavenly Father. Yes, He allows you to make choices about things you’ll do and places you’ll go. But His concern is that you’re able to take your time and do the things that make your life a complete and rewarding one. As long as you seek Him first and develop a close relationship with Him, the ride should be fulfilling — even through the rough spots.

Take your eyes off God, and you’ll miss parts of the journey that He intended for you to see. And when you’re more focused on a relationship with a guy than you are on the one with your heavenly Father, there will be gaps in the lifelong trip that you’ll never be able to experience again.

If you’re involved with a guy sexually, break it off! The Bible tells us to “flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18).

Hey, but I’m not having intercourse . . . I’m just really involved with my guy, you may be thinking. Read it again. God said sexual immorality. That includes prolonged or deep kissing and petting or physical contact. Why? Because the above leads to more!

Check out Ephesians 5:3. “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”

Wow! Think about it. A relationship with a guy won’t get you to heaven, but one with God will! Before even thinking about a relationship with a guy, make time to fully develop an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ.

We’re Almost Done
Okay, one final thought. I’d like to offer my own updated definitions of two words related to what we’ve been talking about. The first word is “dating.” For some people, dating means looking around to see if you can find the right guy for yourself.

Along the way you may encounter heartache, frustration, rejection, dishonesty, emotional roller coaster rides and a lot of wasted time. Then, there’s “waiting.” For some people, waiting means trusting God to bring the right person into your life at the right time. And that time is when you can develop a relationship that is pleasing and glorifying to God.

A godly man — a man of integrity — is worth waiting for. A man who adores you, reveres you, builds you up, respects you and accepts you as you are — as God has developed you — that’s a man worth waiting for! And you know something? God will reveal that man to you in His time.

Meanwhile . . . why not pray for your future husband? Even though you don’t know who he is yet, God does. Ask your parents to pray for him, too. And if you want to do something really cool, write him a letter! Tell him you’re waiting for him. Tell him you’re praying for his spiritual growth. Let him know you’re praying that God will help you become the godly wife he’ll need. Keep your letter someplace safe, and present it to your husband on your wedding night. Can you imagine the surprise when he reads that you’ve been praying for him since your teen years — before you even knew who he was!?!

Caracas, Venezuela
I was able to speak to all the girls on the 2001 Brio Missions trip last summer. I titled my message, “Guys Are Jerks — at Least Until They’re 25.” I really don’t believe that. I think guys are great. I am one! I just think guys take a little longer than girls to figure out the male/female relationship and all that it means. But take heart, Girls; waiting on God’s timing will be worth the wait.

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